Understanding the Connection Between Aerial Arts and Mental Health

My connection to aerial arts is deeply woven into my mental well-being and my relationship with my body. Many discuss the internal struggles of being a movement artist, yet there's often an illusion of the flawless aerialist who effortlessly captivates audiences, moving from gig to gig with joy in the spotlight. I understand this perspective; audiences are primarily interested in the performance itself, not the individual behind the character. They engage with the crafted persona and the highlights of social media, leaving just enough mystery for us to fill in the gaps with our fantasies—like imagining a performer living in a whimsical train caboose traveling across the country. This element of performance art is enchanting for both the audience and the performers. It serves as a space for creativity, a sanctuary for dreams, and a platform to express ideas that might otherwise be overlooked in a straightforward manner.

When I immerse myself in the creation process or experience the work of others, whether as an audience member or collaborator, it often feels like a safe haven. It's a space where I feel valued and included, allowing me to share my unique insights freely.

Is the drive to perform rooted in a desire for validation? Is it about reclaiming the gaze, guiding how others perceive what we choose to present? This duality of being both exposed and invulnerable fascinates me, as it encapsulates a multitude of experiences.

I observe established performers who seem to have mastered their presence, and I wonder if they have simply become comfortable with being openly expressive. Could it be a blend of both? For me, there are moments when I hold back, feeling restrained by societal expectations that often discourage dramatic expression. While I may hesitate to call out injustices within my community for fear of backlash, I do find liberation on stage. I am now able to express intensity, joy, and even vulnerability.

Recently, during a therapy session, I reflected on my evolving identity as a performer, aerialist, and writer, and how my past experiences have shaped this journey. As the eldest of six in a tumultuous household, I took on the role of protector, advocating for my younger siblings against our father's oppressive behavior. This protective instinct carried into my literary endeavors, where I stood up for marginalized voices while challenging the status quo of the predominantly male narrative.

I realized that my assertive stance was often a projection of my own need for protection and validation. I had built defenses that masked my vulnerability, fearing that without them, I wouldn't be enough. I thrived on the adrenaline rush from successful events, only to crash and neglect my own artistic pursuits, falling into a cycle of survival.

In aerial spaces, I often felt isolated and defensive, sometimes avoiding classes altogether due to anxiety. The struggle of being in my body while performing movements that challenged my self-image was overwhelming. Yet, my determination to learn and grow kept me engaged, even when it felt uncomfortable.

Now, I feel a subtle shift towards a more serene, self-assured approach that requires less energy and no longer seeks permission. My previous defiance was a cry for acknowledgment and acceptance, often leading to disappointment due to the lack of support from other aerialists. This transformation encourages me to connect with like-minded individuals who value collaboration and inclusivity.

In the literary world, I am now focusing on experimental narratives that resonate with me, rather than dwelling on where my writing may not fit in. This journey feels vulnerable as I confront my fears of inadequacy and isolation. However, I yearn to embody the authenticity I experience when writing or performing, and I realize that this freedom holds greater value than any external recognition.

Looking back, I can see my evolution from an anxious individual, once overwhelmed by self-doubt, to someone who embraces vulnerability on stage. I aspire to redirect my energy away from negative influences and instead foster an environment where I can thrive as a writer and aerialist.

In the first video, "How My 2 Year Aerial Journey Transformed My Life + Behind the Scenes," I share my personal experiences and insights that have shaped my artistic path.

The second video, "An Aerialist on Listening to Your Body's Signals," features Adie Delaney discussing the importance of body awareness in aerial arts, which resonates deeply with my journey.

Follow my aerial adventure on Instagram @caracoysh