Voyager's Journey: Finding Solace Beyond Gender Identity
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Chapter 1: A Life-Changing Encounter
In November 1979, the National Geographic Magazine featured breathtaking images of Jupiter captured by the Voyager 1 flyby.
The magazine, filled with stunning visuals, played a pivotal role in my life during a tumultuous period in January 1980. I faced a dark moment, nearly succumbing to thoughts of suicide as I grappled with a masculinizing puberty that I feared. Words fail to capture the overwhelming terror and despair I felt as my body seemed to inexorably transition toward traits that felt profoundly wrong. I longed for escape.
Yet, amidst my struggles with gender dysphoria and past trauma, my puberty was also marked by my fascination with the cosmos. By the age of 15, I recognized my aptitude for mathematics and physics. Then, at the dawn of my 17th year, I encountered that magazine. The exquisite images within moved me to tears; I had never experienced such profound emotion or witnessed beauty so sublime as the delicate colors and swirling clouds of Jupiter. The Great Red Spot, a storm that has existed since before Galileo’s time, left me in awe. Just think about that! I was swept away by the realization that these magnificent sights originated from a tiny spacecraft, far removed from human existence, crafted by ordinary yet extraordinary individuals. This moment awakened me to a broader universe beyond gender and human concerns. It sparked a sense of duty to respond to Nature, which had gifted me with the ability to understand her languages through mathematics and physics. This realization instilled in me a compelling reason to persevere, even as the weight of despair pressed down on me.
Reflecting on that moment, my deep sense of obligation may have been the source of my tears. This compelled me to choose a path in physics. When one feels trapped in the wrong body, authenticity becomes elusive, and forming genuine connections is often fraught with difficulty. Although I am naturally reserved and cherish solitude, I also possess a profound appreciation for human stories and connections. My situation, however, deprived me of that intimacy, leading me to cultivate a relationship with Nature herself. The essence of fundamental science lies in listening to her; setting aside biases and distractions to uncover the truths revealed through empirical evidence. While scientific practice can be steeped in politics and arrogance, the core of science embodies humility—a recognition that humanity is not the center of existence. For someone who feels misplaced in their own body, this understanding provides immense comfort. Science unveiled the breathtaking beauty of realms—both in terms of academic disciplines and celestial bodies—where gender holds no significance, and whose magnificence is independent of human existence.
Thus, I became, much like that delicate spacecraft still communicating with us after 42 years, a voyager beyond gender. This pursuit of knowledge helped me manage my pain and navigate through challenging times.
One remarkable documentary that captures the essence of the Voyager missions, along with the passion and vision of those involved, is titled "The Farthest."
Section 1.1: The Mystery of Jupiter
Jupiter is an enigmatic planet. One fascinating aspect of Jupiter is its immense size; if you were to hurl objects into it—such as the infamous Comet Shoemaker-Levy which collided with the planet on July 16 and 22, 1994—Jupiter would actually decrease in size. This may seem counterintuitive, as smaller celestial bodies like Earth grow larger with additional mass. However, this peculiar phenomenon of Jupiter is not difficult to understand. When compressed sufficiently, any object will shrink. The immense pressure at Jupiter's core, composed of metallic hydrogen, results from its own gravitational force. Adding mass to the planet increases these forces. The core is so intensely compressed that the gravitational pull outweighs the volume of the matter added, leading to this bizarre outcome.
The first video titled "Why Star Trek Voyager's Flaws Made it Endure" explores how the series' shortcomings contributed to its lasting impact, paralleling the enduring nature of the Voyager missions.
The second video, "The Surprising Signal From Voyager 2 After Communication Breakdown," delves into the unexpected communications from Voyager 2, highlighting its resilience and the ongoing journey of discovery in our understanding of space.