The Challenges of Adulthood

Becoming an adult can often feel like an exercise in frustration. As a child, I longed for the freedom that adulthood promised—no homework, the ability to come and go as I pleased, and access to a car and money. Yet, upon reaching adulthood, I quickly discovered that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Adulthood comes with its own set of rules, where every decision feels like a request for approval. When you apply to a university, you're essentially asking, "Am I worthy of your acceptance?" This pattern continues into the workforce, where performance reviews can feel like begging for a raise or promotion.

Even in social settings, we often seek validation—whether it's becoming friends with someone or joining a community, the need for approval is constant.

The Influence of Upbringing

It's important to note that we aren't born with this permission-seeking mentality. If you've observed toddlers, you know they don't ask for approval. Their days are filled with exploration, pushing boundaries, and testing limits.

A mother's tweet highlights this perfectly: "Get off the table. Stay away from the trash. Stop licking old pizza. Don't play in the litter. -Me, talking to my 2yo, not my cat."

As we grow older, we learn to avoid dangerous situations, shaped by the guidance of adults. Yet, this process also instills a fear of judgment and uncertainty, leading us to adopt a mindset of seeking permission.

The Consequences of Waiting

As the poet Robert Frost once said, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

Consider the daring feats of Alex Honnold, who made headlines for free soloing El Capitan in Yosemite. His extraordinary achievement not only astonished climbing enthusiasts but also compelled many to ponder, "What if I could …?"

The Pitfalls of Seeking Approval

Often, we delay pursuing our ambitions because we're subconsciously waiting for someone to grant us permission. This desire can manifest in various forms:

1. Fear of Disruption: We may hesitate to pursue our visions because we fear challenging established norms and upsetting others. As social beings, we instinctively seek acceptance, but innovation often requires breaking away from the familiar.
2. Well-Meaning Advice: Sometimes, those close to us may discourage our ambitions, believing they are protecting us. They might say, "The internet is highly competitive; you should stick to a stable job." This well-intentioned advice can stifle creativity.
3. Impostor Syndrome: Many of us grapple with self-doubt, which can feel like a persistent companion. This self-doubt often leads us to seek validation from others, and the answer is usually a resounding "no."

When Asking for Permission is Necessary

That said, it's crucial to acknowledge that seeking permission isn't inherently negative. The phrase "Don't ask for permission" shouldn't be a blanket rule. In certain scenarios—like borrowing someone's belongings or making significant life choices—it's essential to ask for permission out of respect.

Final Thoughts

Stephen King was once a gas station attendant living in a trailer when he completed his first novel, Carrie. Despite facing numerous rejections, he persevered, eventually becoming one of the best-selling authors of our time. Reflecting on his journey, King noted that if his wife had suggested he abandon his dreams to find a more stable job, he likely would have complied.

It’s disappointing when others don't believe in our potential, but the real tragedy would be if we give up on ourselves. Life is too fleeting for that.

The key takeaway from this discussion is to ask yourself, "What if I could …?" and then consider what's holding you back. Are you simply waiting for permission that may never come?