Chapter 1: The Shelter of Storms

During tumultuous weather, butterflies instinctively seek refuge rather than confront the harsh conditions. When faced with rain and chill, they prioritize their survival over risk. This behavior serves as a reminder that, like butterflies, we, too, can find shelter during the storms of life.

Middle age can feel like a relentless downpour. Many women have historically endured this phase quietly, but the dialogue is finally changing. In Canada, a significant portion of the workforce is over 40, prompting companies to take notice. According to the Financial Post, neglecting menopause impacts the economy, costing about $3.5 billion annually due to lost productivity as women reduce their working hours or exit the workforce entirely. Alarmingly, research indicates that one in ten women experiences symptoms severe enough to necessitate leaving their jobs.

I hate to say it, but I’m part of that statistic. In November 2023, I made the difficult decision to resign and take a mini-retirement. I could no longer perform at my best.

Reflecting on my experience, I recognize a troubling mental landscape that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Revisiting the past reveals clues I wish I had identified sooner. I hope sharing my journey will resonate with someone else.

In my early 40s, I faced a series of physical and emotional challenges: dry skin, heart palpitations, weight gain, joint pain, fatigue, depression, insomnia, and heightened anxiety. My memory was embarrassingly fleeting, and the vibrancy of my 30s felt like a distant memory. Despite numerous tests showing normal hormone, blood sugar, and thyroid levels, I found myself questioning whether my struggles were merely psychological.

Was this what middle age meant? I fought against these changes, diligently following a prescribed list of wellness practices: journaling, meditation, volunteering, therapy, pursuing a fulfilling career, yoga, exercise, and nurturing friendships. Yet, nothing seemed to revive my spirit; I felt a disheartening flatness.

In 2018, my career took me to Abu Dhabi. The stress of an international move and a demanding leadership position only exacerbated my health issues. As hair began to fall out and sleepless nights became the norm, I sought help from a friend’s endocrinologist. Unlike in Canada, I didn’t require a referral.

Though my lab results remained normal, the endocrinologist listened carefully to my symptoms and proposed a diagnosis of subclinical hypothyroidism. After starting low-dose Levothyroxine, I experienced some improvement—though far from perfect. Yet, other symptoms lingered.

The thyroid, a butterfly-shaped gland at the base of the neck, plays a critical role in regulating metabolism, mood, and heart rate. Disorders of this gland often coincide with conditions like diabetes and depression. Alarmingly, many individuals remain unaware of their thyroid issues, especially women, who are significantly more susceptible.

In Eastern philosophy, the thyroid is seen as a bridge between the heart and mind, linking lower and higher chakras. Blockages in the throat chakra can manifest as depression and anxiety, often exacerbated by unexpressed feelings.

The winds of change began with the pandemic. The global crisis brought stress that resonated with everyone. As we moved from Abu Dhabi to Dubai for a fresh start, I discussed tapering off my thyroid medication with my doctor, feeling uncertain about its efficacy. In hindsight, I likely needed a higher dose to combat rising stress levels.

After relocating, I contracted Covid, leading to insomnia and overwhelming sadness that lingered for months. A neurologist diagnosed me with major depression, and while antidepressants initially helped, they eventually lost their effectiveness. Caught up in the battle against depression, I neglected the potential link to my thyroid health.

With impending job changes, I took a severance package and relocated from the Middle East to Mexico. Exhausted, I accepted a new position, but rage and frustration simmered beneath the surface.

In Mexico, I saw additional specialists as my mood swings became increasingly erratic. Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) provided some stabilization, along with micro-dosing and therapy. During my darkest times, I sought various explanations: burnout, perimenopause, stress—but never considered my thyroid.

With the move to Playa del Carmen, alarming blood sugar fluctuations and constant hunger emerged. I shifted to a high-protein, low-carb diet, closely monitoring how I felt. Research supports the connection between heat, humidity, and blood sugar instability, particularly for those with low thyroid function.

In a bid to reclaim my health, I committed to exercise, a nutritious diet, meditation, and cultivating new friendships. Yet, persistent anxiety shadowed my efforts. Despite years of meditation, I struggled to manage toxic thoughts. I began to wonder if this anxious version of myself was my new reality.

Seeing other women thriving in midlife made it clear that I could not accept this as my fate. In a final effort, I consulted a well-reviewed functional doctor in Playa del Carmen specializing in hormones.

He ordered extensive lab tests. While my results were largely normal, I had elevated glucose and low free T3 and T4 levels. After reviewing a list of thyroid symptoms, I identified seven that I experienced. He suggested desiccated thyroid, a natural alternative that supports both T3 and T4, which I had long wanted to try but could not find in the Middle East.

After just two weeks on this new medication, the results were remarkable. My energy improved, sleep became restful, and anxiety diminished. My zest for life began to resurface, heralding clearer skies ahead.

Realizing that subclinical hypothyroidism was the common thread in my escalating symptoms was enlightening. I had mistakenly believed that 'subclinical' indicated minor issues, but I learned that even mild symptoms could significantly impact my quality of life.

From Crisis to Chrysalis

I share my story to inspire others experiencing similar symptoms to seek answers from their healthcare providers. While hormone panels are common, a comprehensive thyroid panel is essential if you suspect thyroid imbalances. Often, insurance only covers basic tests, so you may need to advocate for additional testing out-of-pocket.

What once felt like a crisis has begun to feel like a transformative phase. Chip Conley of the Middle Elder Academy refers to midlife as a transition from adulthood to elderhood, akin to a chrysalis stage in butterflies. This process, often perceived as dark and confusing, is not a crisis but a powerful transformation. Emerging from this stage, we can become beautiful, winged creatures.

At 49, I am grateful for both the storms and the moments of clarity. I embrace both my strengths and their shadows. While health can fluctuate, I am thankful for the opportunity to advocate for my well-being. Yet, it’s essential to remember that even the best health practices cannot remedy a hormonal imbalance.

Your wings cannot unfurl when you’re ensnared in a tempest.

Please note that I am not a medical professional. I share my experiences in hopes that they resonate with others.

This video titled "Butterflies REST when it rains #RainToReign" explores how butterflies find refuge during storms, paralleling the challenges faced during midlife transitions.

In this video, "WHAT DO BUTTERFLIES DO IN THE RAIN? SUMMER BUTTERFLY HUNT SOUTH FL," we learn about the behaviors of butterflies during rainy conditions, offering insights into resilience and adaptation.