Chapter 1: The Struggle with Seeking Help

Asking for assistance is a common struggle for many, including myself. Whether at work, home, or even out shopping, I often find it challenging to reach out for help. While I wish I could claim ignorance about the reason behind this, I know it all comes down to my ego.

When we seek assistance, we can sometimes view it as a sign of failure. The thought process often becomes, "I couldn’t complete this task alone, which means I must be lacking." This mindset can gnaw at our self-esteem, with that persistent inner critic reminding us we aren’t measuring up.

Recently, I joined a new team in a different network, taking on a role that requires me to learn various new skills. While this opportunity is beneficial for my career growth, I frequently find myself in need of guidance. Yet, I still hesitate to ask for it.

What’s holding me back? I know my colleagues are aware of my newness, but I worry they might perceive me as incapable or unmotivated. The fear of being labeled as lazy or not resourceful enough looms large in my mind.

Ego clings tightly if we allow it.

I often reflect on Epictetus’s philosophy, which posits that life consists of two realms: what we can control and what we cannot. This concept is fundamentally clear and uncomplicated. The key is to refrain from stressing over factors beyond our influence.

Yet, this leads to another cunning trap set by the ego. I can control how long I search for solutions. I can scour countless resources, including Wikis and Google, in pursuit of an answer. But at what point does this become an inefficient use of my time?

With limited knowledge of the answers, I am uncertain about how extensive the information may be or if it’s even accessible. Each question becomes a test of my perseverance, challenging me to push my limits.

The act of asking for help can feel like conceding defeat.

Occasionally, a quote from Marcus Aurelius resurfaces, striking a chord reminiscent of a stern high school coach. He states quite plainly: "Don’t be ashamed of needing help. You have a duty to fulfill just like a soldier on the battlefield. So what if you are injured and need another soldier’s assistance?" — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.7.

That’s quite a wake-up call.

There’s a phenomenon known as the Ben Franklin Effect, which suggests that individuals tend to feel more positively towards those they have assisted. This aligns with the principle of cognitive dissonance; by helping you, they rationalize their actions as stemming from a fondness for you. Thus, they start to genuinely like you more.

Chapter 2: Letting Go of Ego

It’s essential to set aside your ego. Reach out to friends, family, or colleagues for support. By doing so, you reveal your humanity, and they will likely admire your willingness to be vulnerable.

You might even find that you’re alleviating the tension they feel about the very same issues. Imposter syndrome is a universal experience, affecting us all.

The first video, "Oh Wonder - All We Do," reflects on the theme of connection and the importance of supporting one another in our journey. It highlights the shared human experience, inviting us to embrace our vulnerabilities.

The second video, "Helping," emphasizes the significance of asking for assistance and fostering community. It showcases the value of collaboration and understanding, reinforcing that reaching out is a strength, not a weakness.

By embracing this mindset, we can cultivate a supportive environment where everyone feels empowered to ask for help without fear or shame.