Rediscovering My Voice: A Journey Through Silence and COVID-19
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Chapter 1: The Silence Begins
From an early age, I’ve been known for my talkative nature, often being reprimanded for my volume in school and even at home. I never realized how significant my voice was until it was taken from me by COVID-19.
For the first time in my 41 years, I found myself completely silent for three weeks. It all began when I contracted COVID, which felt like shards of glass slicing through my throat. This was my first encounter with the virus, and I was among those deemed "Novids" until 2024. While I managed a moderate case that required antivirals and steroids, I didn’t need hospitalization—though I came close.
After a few days of illness, I lost my voice entirely. My last conversations were brief phone calls with my neighbor and my boyfriend. The next morning, I woke up unable to speak. Initially, I didn’t panic; it’s common for people to lose their voices with a cold or flu. I adapted by using text messages to communicate.
However, my fever quickly escalated to 102.7°F even after taking Tylenol, prompting me to call the pharmacist for advice on medication safety. With no voice, I relied on my boyfriend to relay my questions while I sent him texts with the information.
Section 1.1: The Struggle for Communication
The following day, I faced difficulty breathing and resorted to emailing my doctor since I couldn't make a phone call. She prescribed emergency steroids, but the pharmacy was slow to respond, so I turned to my father for assistance.
That was the moment I realized that I hadn’t just lost my voice; I had lost my ability to advocate for myself.
The video title is Alexander Stewart - Blame's On Me (Official Music Video) - YouTube. This song reflects the feelings of loss and the search for understanding amidst silence.
In December 2023, the journal Pediatrics published a case of vocal cord paralysis linked to COVID, affecting a previously healthy 15-year-old girl who was left mute. This revelation made me realize that voice loss due to COVID is more prevalent than many might think. A June 2023 analysis from the National Library of Medicine indicated that 25% of COVID-19 patients experienced voice issues, with 70% of them suffering from long-term effects, predominantly affecting women.
I discovered these studies two weeks after my own voice loss. My doctor expressed uncertainty about when or if my voice would return, leading me to fear that I might never speak again.
Subsection 1.1.1: Reflecting on Conversations Lost
I thought about all the discussions I’d enjoyed with my boyfriend on a variety of topics, the compliments I received for my speaking skills, and my playful exchanges with my cats. The prospect of losing the ability to engage in phone calls, dinner conversations, or simply joking around filled me with dread.
My boyfriend quipped that COVID had finally quieted me, but we both understood the serious undertone of the joke. While I could still write, it was only part of how I expressed myself.
I had been active in organizing movements like the Women's March to combat abortion bans in Arizona, and I’d contacted senators to defend the Affordable Care Act. I had helped my sister confront someone who tried to manipulate her. I was loud, and it was hard to accept that life had chosen to silence me.
During my time of silence, I gained insight into the experiences of those in the disabled community, particularly the deaf. I recalled a moment in Target when I struggled to communicate with a cashier who relied on lip reading, wishing I had known sign language then.
Now, I contemplated learning it again, motivated by the thought that if I could not speak, perhaps signing would be my way to engage with the world. But this would require my family and friends to learn alongside me, or I might need to forge new friendships within the deaf community. Would I even be able to continue in a communications career?
I felt isolated, reduced to texting as my only means of connection. I had never appreciated how vital my voice was until it was gone.
Section 1.2: A Glimmer of Hope
After three weeks of silence, one morning I woke up and could barely mumble. By that evening, I managed to whisper, and the following day brought a gradual improvement. Finally, I was able to call my boyfriend and parents for the first time, and their joy was palpable.
Although I still struggled with coughing and fatigue when speaking, my voice was slowly returning. When I played the "See-You!" game with my cat, Teddi Bear, and she responded with a meow, I was overwhelmed with emotion.
Now, five weeks post-COVID, my voice continues to heal and improve. I think about the 15-year-old girl whose voice may never return and the many others who face similar challenges. I hope that the medical community takes these cases seriously and seeks effective treatments swiftly.
I know I was fortunate, and I will never underestimate the power of my voice again.
Thank you for reading! My name is Shari Lopatin, a former journalist now focused on writing novels, short fiction, and essays on life and culture. For more of my work, consider signing up for my newsletter, "On Point."