Chapter 1: The Hormonal Collision

The age-old assumption about having children after 40 revolves around risks, exhaustion, and the inevitable label of being an "older mom." While these concerns certainly hold weight, I’ve recently unearthed a more pressing issue: experiencing menopause concurrently with my child entering puberty.

Now in my 50s, my daughter is just 12 and a half years old. That half year is quite significant; she was much more manageable at 12 and a quarter.

Menopause vs. Puberty (Beauty)

I wake up feeling drained every morning. My nights are restless, fluctuating between freezing cold and unbearable heat. Just last night, I barely slept at all. After neutering our dog, my husband and I took turns checking on him between us, while he slept soundly. I can't help but take it personally at times.

My daughter, who used to rise effortlessly and cheerfully, now moans under her blankets after a solid ten hours of sleep. It takes threats to her iPhone to coax her out of bed, where she then embarks on an elaborate bathroom routine. I’m still unsure about all the steps involved, but I know it includes moisturizers and a peculiar pink-handled face roller. The time it takes her to get ready feels endless, with each sock pulled on as if she’s facing a monumental task.

Though I appreciate her desire to look good, the real challenge lies in our diverging journeys. While she blossoms into her looks, I feel mine fading. We’ve become more irritable with each other as we navigate this phase; I find her morning rituals vain, while she’s mortified by my casual appearance.

Menopause vs. Puberty (Mood Swings)

I’ve never been the type to coddle my daughter. When she claims she’s too sick to attend school or exaggerates a sprained ankle, I check her temperature and tell her to toughen up. This approach usually worked, but now that she’s nearing 13, she accuses me of lacking empathy and love.

Both of us are more sensitive than ever, and small comments can escalate into major arguments. However, moments do exist where our moods align, leading to fun kitchen dance sessions. More frequently, though, our interactions spiral into misunderstandings—like a simple inquiry about her packed school bag igniting a conflict over responsibility.

Menopause vs. Puberty (Happiness)

My parenting life has largely revolved around ensuring happiness for others. Turning 50 has prompted me to contemplate my own desires. Previously, I was eager to engage in family activities, but now, I find myself craving a quiet evening with a glass of wine while my husband cooks and my daughter cleans.

She, too, has shifted her priorities. Once eager to spend time with family, she now seeks her independence. This dynamic makes the transition from child to teenager even more challenging; as she pushes for autonomy, I find myself growing increasingly demanding.

There are days when I long for the past, wishing to recreate family game nights. However, these attempts often backfire, highlighting just how much things have changed.

The Mother-Daughter Drama

I worry about the long-term impacts of our current struggles. All those years of nurturing and gentle parenting could easily be overshadowed by a year of conflict fueled by our raging hormones. I envision her recounting our arguments in therapy one day, while neglecting the joyful moments we shared.

Despite my awareness of our changing relationship, it seems we are destined to repeat this tumultuous cycle. Hormones only intensify our emotional fluctuations. Just this morning, we were getting along well until I mentioned a creative writing club her teacher signed her up for.

Though she had enrolled in multiple sports, the school required at least one academic commitment. The teacher believed she would enjoy writing, but she was adamant about not wanting to "prove her mother right."

So much angst surrounded this conversation!

In the car, she lamented how this club would encroach upon her time with friends. I insisted she drop a sports club instead. Refusing to budge led to a heated argument, culminating in her declaring she hated me and slamming the car door as she exited.

I sat in silence, reflecting with our dog in the back, who wore a protective suit reminiscent of my daughter’s baby onesies. The sight tugged at my heart; he looked so small and fragile. After a moment, I patted his head, restarted the car, and drove home.

Chapter 2: Understanding Hormonal Changes

The first video titled "What is Menopause? Puberty in Reverse!" provides insights into the overlapping hormonal changes during these life stages.

The second video, "What Happens to Female Hormones During Menopause," delves into the specifics of hormonal shifts women experience during menopause.