Embracing Misandry: A Woman's Journey Through Public Spaces
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Chapter 1: The Struggles of Public Spaces
After experiencing the emotional toll of researching colonial crimes, I found solace in the idea of visiting a sauna to unwind.
Saunas: Not Always the Peaceful Retreats We Expect
Emerging from lockdown, I've become increasingly aware of the phrase “where attention goes, energy flows.” The other day, while waiting in line at the grocery store, a man bumped into me. When I politely asked him to keep his distance, he erupted in anger, accusing me of walking into him. A manager had to intervene, and I was moved to another line while he continued to hurl insults at me.
On another occasion, after parking my car, a man chose to park right beside me, even though there were plenty of open spaces. When I opened my door and it lightly brushed his vehicle, he yelled, “Are you blind, woman?” and approached to check for damages (which there were none). He didn’t even apologize.
Whenever I walk alone in the park, I either carry a small stone or a walking stick, just in case I need to defend myself. This has made me question whether I need a self-defense item for my trips to the sauna.
The council-operated sauna I frequent isn't luxurious. For £32 a month, I enjoy yoga classes, weight training, swimming, and access to a spa area that includes a jacuzzi, dry sauna, and wet sauna. Since I don't drink or dine out often, this is my sole indulgence. It serves as a small act of defiance, given my upbringing where my brother received all the toys, while my sisters and I shared a single handbag.
Despite seeking peace and relaxation, I often encounter men who initiate conversations, often leading to me being cast in a counseling role or subjected to unwanted flirting. In response, I've developed strategies to minimize unwanted attention, such as adopting a gray rock approach—essentially, being as uninteresting as possible.
Section 1.1: Seeking Solitude Amidst Chaos
Yesterday, feeling mentally drained, I entered the sauna with thoughts of African and Middle Eastern leaders who had met tragic ends due to Western interventions. As I navigated the space, an older man attempted to strike up a conversation, but I rebuffed him and made my way directly to the shower and sauna.
Ten minutes later, he followed me into the sauna, trying to engage me again. I firmly stated, “I don’t converse with men.” He was also from the Indian subcontinent, and while I have never lived there, I know that cultural norms often allow women to seek women-only spaces. I wished for such a rule to extend to public areas, including the sauna.
Another man entered, and the first one loudly complained about "uppity women" lacking manners. This prompted me to leave. After my shower, I noticed only one man in the jacuzzi, so I took a seat at the farthest point from him, hoping for some peace. Suddenly, something touched my shoulder—it was a flip-flop. Disgusted, I tossed it out of the water, and the man claimed it, insisting that footwear shouldn't be in the water.
Section 1.2: Confrontations and Realizations
I proceeded to the dry sauna, where I discovered a glass bottle of oil abandoned on the shelf. The same man returned, and I gently reminded him, “It’s not safe to bring glass in here.” His response was aggressive, and he yelled obscenities at me. I was taken aback but stood my ground, emphasizing that safety rules existed for everyone.
After he left, I reported the incident to the staff, but they found no record of him. “He must have entered on someone else’s card,” the manager explained.
Despite the looming threats of climate crises and societal upheaval, men still find time to harass women.
Chapter 2: A Call for Women-Only Spaces
In the women’s changing room, an older woman who had also encountered the man spoke about his foul language, which he had directed toward her. She recounted how, when asked to stop, he smirked and challenged her to specify which words she found offensive.
This public space has become a battleground for women. A younger woman shared her own distressing experience of harassment, recounting how a man exposed himself to her in the sauna, leaving her too traumatized to return.
At that moment, the blonde manager walked in and shared that she also avoids the spa area because of the intimidation she feels from men. I suggested implementing women-only sessions, and she agreed to advocate for that.
I have reached a point of frustration with men—specifically, their sense of entitlement and fragile egos that often lead them to seek validation and comfort from women, even at the cost of our own well-being.
As I reconsider my previous humanist views, I realize I’m embracing misandry—not as a form of hatred, but as a means of reclaiming my autonomy and safety.
Here's a thought-provoking video that offers a powerful perspective on this issue:
Misandry: A Path to Empowerment?
"The beauty of misandry is that you acknowledge your feminine strength and take ownership of it."